My daughter showed me this yesterday - I laughed like crazy!! Good way to start off a dreary Monday - with a good laugh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2yv8aT0UFc

 

Another cute one I got on e-mail.....


A LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE


A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said,

"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go much quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the southern Congressman. "How about global warming or universal health care?", and he smiles smugly.

"Ok" she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warrming or universal health care..... when you don't know $hit?????

 

A women gets a job at Wal Mart. She is the door greeter.

She has only been working about two hours.
A not so pretty women comes in with her two kids. She is yelling at them.

The door greeter tells her welcome to wal mart and she has two nice looking twin kids.

The women with the two kids says they are not twins and one is 9 and the other is 7.
What in the hell makes you think they're twins.

The door greeter replies Your so ugly I can't believe someone had sex with you twice.

 

A old man is walking along a beech with his dog. He looks down and realizes his dog is dead. Then he him self remembers being dead.

He keeps on walking. He gets to large gate he ask, what is this place. The man at the gate answers heaven. The old man ask if he can have some water. The man at the gate says yes. Then he ask for some for his dog and the man at the gate says no.

So the old man keeps on walking he comes to a farm and he ask the farmer for some water and he says yes then he asked for some for his dog and the farmer said yes. Your dog can have all the water he wants.

So the old man ask what place is this. The farmer says heaven. Then the old man says that what the man at the gate said. The farmer said no that's hell.

In heaven we don't leave friends behind.

 

Amen brother.

 

You got that right, some of my best friends have been dogs. The latest one is 12 now and I can feel the time running short. Damn anyway

 

My best friends are my dogs.

 

Say wwwwhhatt?? I thought some of your best friends were flying monkeys!!!

Oh, did you mean the other kind of dog? I mean the one with 4 legs?? A winks as good as a nudge to a blind bat, I always say.

 

My wife asked why dogs are considered man's best friend and not women. I said "If a man locks his wife and dog in the trunk of his car for an hour , who do you think will be happier to see him when he lets them both out?" I think she got the point.

Also, if the dog is barking at the back door and the wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in the house first? The dog...at least he'll shut up as soon as he's in the house.

 

Ken, Ken, Ken. I'm gonna tell Karen on ya!! No, just remembered. Can't do that. There has to be honor amongst us thieves.

Why do they call a female dog a bitch? I can think of many women I've met who would be better suited for that name.

 

She doesn't care. I'll just get one of these...


Never Assume....

His request approved, the FOX News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,
"So what you're telling me is....you're NOT my flight instructor?"

 

HAH!!! Tooo funny my friend.

 

That's a good one! LOL!